So the Huffington Post published an article by Tracey McMilan, “Why You’re Not Married” giving single, heterosexual women everywhere the top six reasons they aren’t hitched.
Considering all the thinking I’ve been doing about relationships (not necessarily getting married) this article struck a nerve. Particularly because it is as if she is addressing me personally in her first couple of paragraphs (simply replace “to get married” with “a boyfriend”).
After reading the article late last night and determining that I meet the standards for four of the six reasons, I came to the obvious conclusion that I am never going to get married. I then drank two big glasses of wine and passed out on my couch. But not before posting the article to my Facebook page.
The next day, not able to shake the feeling that I should be angrier at the author of the article, I re-read it. Yep, I’m still a selfish, shallow bitch that doesn’t think she is good enough (sometimes). But hey, at least I’m not a liar or a slut (anymore, and really sometimes I wish I still was). Besides the not being good enough part – which I am working on, kind of – I really sort of admire my bitchy selfish ways. (As for being shallow, I find her argument flawed in that she married a man she describes as a liar and a cheater – neither qualities I would for in a man of character.)
So I’m a bitch because I’m angry. I’m not always angry. Besides there are a lot of things in this world to be angry about. Especially if you are a woman. That reads. Or sees. Or hears. Or thinks. And while I have never seen Kim Kardashian angry, I have to believe she has been. And if she hasn’t well then she’s an idiot. Because there is no way you can be smart and not be angry at least some time. Plus, I can be angry and nice. A lot of people think I am really nice: pleasant even. So if a guy is looking for someone to be nice to him – I can do that. So long as he’s not a rapist or a child molester or thinks I’m dumber than him simply because I’m a woman. In my opinion those sort of guys don’t deserve my niceness and what the hell, I wouldn’t marry that sort of guy anyway. Even if he was tall (so, see, I’m not even that shallow).
So I’m selfish. Yes, I think about myself a lot. Hell, I’ve dedicated a blog and a Facebook page and a Twitter account to the practice. But I don’t think I’m self-absorbed (feel free to disagree – you are all entitled to your opinions even if they are wrong). I spend most of my time thinking about myself (my career, my thighs) because that is what I have to think about. But I also think about my parents and my friends and my co-workers and poor people and the Today Show hosts, and Stewart Bradley and rape victims (which is when I get angry) and now Kim Kardashian. If I had a boyfriend, I would think about him too, giving me less time to think about myself. If I had a kid, I would have a lot less time to think about myself. However, I’m not about to go out and have a kid to prove I’m not selfish (and in turn find a husband).
Still not angry at the author, I read the article a third time. Which is when I started thinking about reason number seven (no it’s not in the article) why you’re (I’m) not married. Because I don’t want to be. I realized I agree with everything Tracy wrote. She tells the cold, hard, ugly truth in it. And if I wanted a husband (or a boyfriend) all I would have to do is make three really easy changes (and one not so easy change) and I would probably be married (or seeing someone seriously) in less than two years.
But I don’t want to make those changes. So maybe I don’t want a boyfriend?
I know it probably isn’t that simple, but I kind of think it is. For the past couple of weeks I have been questioning my motives for wanting a boyfriend, finally deciding that the reason didn’t matter. But what if I haven’t been asking the right question?
What if instead of asking why I no longer want to be single I should be asking am I tired of being single or am I tired of being the single friend?