For All The Men Out There

My mother recently purchased for me “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” by Steve Harvey, telling me she heard it was funny. I will let you know what I think when I finish reading it.

Meanwhile, it occurred to me, that if my ever growing collection is any indication, a lot of these relationship books are geared towards helping women find and keep a man.

Which seems unfair to me since clearly men are the ones that need the help. I mean no offense. It just seems to me that men need women more than women need men.

Think about it, one reason heterosexuals couple-off is to procreate, it isn’t the only reason, but it is one of the main ones, even if they don’t admit it at first. Now, in California, a single woman without a job can go and have eight babies all at once. In that same state, I doubt a court would let a single man with an eight figure salary adopt a child.

See, you men need us.

And that is why I am going to start providing you with some sage advice in finding and capturing the woman you want to share a bed with for the rest of your life.

First thing is first, Women talk.

Maybe you already knew this. Maybe, you heard the recent results from some study that determined women say three times as many words a day as men. What you may not know is what we are talking about; in this order: our jobs, our men, our family and, when the occasion calls for it, our other friends.

So what you ask. Well, say you meet a girl at the grocery store -- okay, I know it never happens, but it is more interesting than saying at a bar -- you exchange chit-chat and then numbers and then good-byes. That girl is going to call her best friend, quite possibly as soon as you are out of earshot.

She is going to tell this friend what you look like, what you were wearing, what you said and what was in your cart/basket. This friend will then follow-up over the next couple of days to learn if you called. Hours will be spent trying to figure out your motive for waiting until Thursday to call and what it means that you want to grab coffee on Sunday as opposed to a drink on Saturday. Other friends will be consulted, outfits will be tried on and emergency evacuation plans finalized.

So if you wait to call her for two weeks or instead of calling her you send her a text at 1:30 in the morning, not only will her friends know about it, they will have opinions about it.

Oh, and believe it when I tell you that every detail of your date will be dissected, more often than not later that same night. Her friends will know if you picked the place, what you ordered, if you paid, if you offered to drive her home and if you got any action. At this point they also know if you are getting a second date and your chances of getting any action then.

What am I driving at? While you may be able to sweep one off her feet with your smile and the twinkle in your eye, I am telling you there is at least one other woman that will require more than charm to win over. And from the moment you leave your BlackBerry out on the table, she will be urgently whispering in your young love’s ear that you are no good.

Is this fair? Maybe not. But that best friend knows just how awesome your young love is and she will do everything in her power to make sure she finds someone that appreciates her.

Plus, who ever said life is fair?

Tune in next week when I explain to you why dating a feminist does not mean not having to pick up the tab on the first date.