After Shocks After The Rose

Do any of you watch The Bachelor? More importantly, did any of you receive an out-of-the-blue text or phone call from an ex saying he was sorry or that he made a mistake Monday night? Because I think the two may be related.

Let me say, before I get too far into this post, that I don’t watch The Bachelor. Never have, and god-willing, never will. However, from the tweets and Facebook and coverlines on magazines, I’m guessing that Jake tossed good girl (and fan favorite) Ally and then proposed to crazy in the head, so she must be crazy in the bed Alana. (Please tell me if I’m wrong here because my theory here depends on these facts).

Those same coverlines told me that Ally (who just from pictures looks adorable and sweet and very nice) has since moved on and Jake now regrets proposing to Alana (who, quite frankly, looks a bit trashy).

I can understand Jake’s predicament. It is one I have seen time and time again. Guys passing on the girl next door for the wild child only to realize later that while the wild child may be fun, she is also crazy. And while crazy can sometimes be fun, it can also be kinda scary. Like when she cuts out all the women from your pictures (including your mom and your sisters) or starts beating your dog because she thinks you love Tiger more than you love her.

Which brings me to the second question I asked. See, I think it is always easier to to see someone else making your mistakes. There is probably even a psychological word for this phenomenon (Bridie?). And I’m betting as our exes watched The Bachelor (with their crazy girlfriends) they shook their heads when Jake made “the biggest mistake of his life,” turned to their girlfriends who had been rooting for Alana and had their “a-ha” moment that led to the phone call or text.

At least that is what I think precipitated the Republican sending me a text yesterday.

See, I know the Republican watches The Bachelor (a fact I didn’t know until after we stopped seeing each other). I also know he had a girlfriend that he started seeing after he stopped seeing me. Now, I think he fancies himself Bachelor material, so I speculate that he was probably seeing both of us at the same time. And after going out with us, he extended his rose to the crazy, though not exactly attractive one.

Before you start in on me about how can I be so conceited - I'm not. My looks are the one thing I am insecure about (well, that and my boobs). Other than looks, I think I am a pretty awesome package. I’m smart, funny, well read, fit, good with kids, an excellent dresser and I love watching football. I’m also not a nag and I have a lot of friends so I’m not the sort that needs a man to keep me entertained.

Still, even with my insecurity about my looks I can say when I think a girl is not as cute as me. This girl wasn’t. As for how I know she’s crazy? Well, that is based solely on the outfits I have seen her wearing in pictures on Facebook.

So, what’s a girl to do? I guess if I were a contestant on The Bachelor and I knew after only spending a couple of days with a guy that I (sob) love him (sob), I would give him another chance. And one day we would appear on the cover of People as a happy couple, planning our wedding and laughing about how he picked Alana first. But then again, there’s a reason why I've never been a contestant on The Bachelor.

Okay, counting my small chest there’s two reasons.