Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Why Didn't He Call?

Show of hands: Growing up, who asked their
 parents for this phone? Keep 'em up if you got it.
Guys. I think I’ve been pretty helpful over the past couple of weeks – show of hands, how many of you took my advice about Valentine’s Day.  All four of you? That’s what I thought. So, now I’m going to ask you to help me solve one of the great riddles that has perplexed women since Alexander Graham Bell first asked Mr. Watson, “Can you hear me now?”

Why do you ask for our phone numbers and then never call?

Now, because this is something I have been researching extensively for the past 20 years or so, I will tell you, I understand in some instances it is a play to get in the panties. You’re out, you’re talking to a woman you wanna bang and in an effort to close the deal, you ask for her phone number, hoping she will take this to mean you aren’t just looking for sex and will take you home to make the beast with two backs.

And for every time that has worked for you, I say well-played, sir.

However, why ask for the phone number the next morning? Is it to spare her feelings? To make her feel less cheap? What about weeks later, when you happen to bump into her but haven’t seen or heard from her since the night and everything seems okay? Why ask then?

I’m asking for a friend.

Okay. I’m asking for me.

As predicted, I ran into Miller Lite (the dude I closed the book on 2012 with) recently. Now, before that moment, I barely attempted to cyberstalk him, I didn’t call or email our mutual friends to fish for details about him, nor did I attempt to gain an invite (or crash) any happy hours they planned. After all, it was a one-night stand and I was fine with that.

The moment the bump-in happened, I was perfectly content doing the polite thing and pretending I didn’t even know who he was. But then he initiated contact. We laughed about the awkwardness and how funny it was we hadn’t run into each other sooner and just as I was ready to walk away, glad the initial meeting was over, he asked for my number.

You know, so we could maybe get a drink some time.

And then, he. Never. Called.

Sure, I’m not looking for a relationship, nor do I want one. But I can’t help that I’m a girl. And so, yes. I obsessively checked my phone for the week that followed. Friday morning, I shaved my legs and wore an extra-cute outfit  just in case a last minute happy hour invitation arrived.

But it never did. So what the hell is the point of getting my number in the first place? Seriously. I’m asking.


Anonymous said...

It is not just the male population. Why give out your number to a guy and ask him to text or call you just to ignore the message once he has left one? Or reply with an apology for a delay, suggest maybe something for that weekend I prefer honesty over a fade to black with one left wondering...

Tatiana said...

Admittedly, I am guilty of this in the past. However, I recently promised the universe I would never do it again. For my part I have given a guy my number and not returned the call/text because a) I was drunk, b) I assumed he wouldn’t call, c) didn’t want to reject him face-to-face, or d) all of the above.

crimson mongrel said...

In my limited experience on the subject, i have found three feasible reasons that could explain this phenomena:
1. being in the moment--analogous to seeing a friend you haven't spoken with for a longish while. in the course of catching up you make plans with them. Not, "friday at 8, I'll meet you at mcglinchey's" plans; but, a "let's totally hang out this weekend" sort of thing. you may have genuinely meant the sentiment at the time; but, within the course of life's roller-coaster of bullshit, changed your mind-or simply forgot all about it.
2. a socially accepted reduction of awkwardness--pretty self-explanatory, most people have a basic psychological need to avoid anxiety. in some cases, a nerve-wracking situation can be made more comfortable by expressing some minor commitment (with the rampant dissemination of communication being what it is, exchanging some sort of contact info has gotten to the point where it's nearly socially Expected) with someone who is making you nervous… and, its cheaper than slamming shots.
3. mind-numbing terror--i am personally most guilty of this one. i do my best work in person; non-verbal, visual cues do so much toward allowing conversation to flow organically. Anticipation of the unknown--a person has no idea what the callee is currently doing, or their mood (in opposition to seeing them at their favorite "relaxing place")--coupled with the performance anxiety of manufacturing an improvised conversation toward a goal (unless you're already pretty good friends, you are supposed to-ostensibly- be calling for a reason) can turn what should be a simple task into an almost paralyzingly daunting one.
….all of this aside; if you really want to know why he hasn't called; call him.