Someone may have finally convinced me that having sex early in a budding relationship isn’t necessarily a good thing.
No, if wasn’t Rachel Greenwald of Why He Didn’t Call You Back fame. I am still struggling through her book that reads like an economics text -- complete with supply and demand charts and equations to solve for scarcity. I wonder if she thinks by using big, fancy words her readers will be tricked into thinking she is smart and thus right. Don’t worry readers, I won’t be so easily fooled.
It is a contributor to Psychology Today that has me shopping for chastity belts.
Bridie brought this month’s issue with her to the shore, suggesting I read the article “Five Dating Shake-Ups for Singles; you know for blog fodder, not my personal use. My dating life is fine and doesn’t need any shaking up.
Oh, and before you ask, yes having a best friend that is also a mental health therapist totally rocks. For one thing, whenever my family is acting really crazy, I can call her and she can confirm that I am indeed sane.
So I read the article, at the pool mind you, and no as off putting as that may sound, no one approached me.
As the title suggests these five steps are ways to get you out of your dating rut. The author admits that there is no one formula to finding the one and states that if you are struggling, here are five reasons that could explain why.
The first shake-up is my favorite “Get Out The *%#$&C*# Door.” It seems so simple, but really, I have been complaining (not to you obviously but to my friends) about how hard it is to meet anyone. Then I think back to the last week or so and I realize that most of my nights have been spent in my apartment watching TV. And while I have developed special feelings for one of the special agents on NCIS, I am pretty sure he will never reciprocate these feelings.
The second I have read before (though I can’t remember where -- they are all starting to blend together) -- that we must stop being so choosy or choosing the wrong ones. Mind you -- the word is choosy, not picky. The blames lies in our over abundance of options -- from online dating to speed dating to meeting people in bars. Men and women have gone from settling (which is bad) to waiting for the unrealistic (which is also bad).
The fourth was never my problem, “Heed Early Clues to Character.” I am a big fan of breaking up after one red flag or three yellow flags. The fifth “Push Yourself Out of Your Patterns” clearly doesn’t apply to me as we have already discussed, I need more rules and patterns, not less.
And I admit, I rolled my eyes at the third shake-up: “Don’t Fall In Love With Love” and almost skipped it. I know girls like this and let me tell you I am not one of them. About halfway through, I did another eye roll when a doctor starts talking about heeding your mother’s advice and not jumping into bed with someone too soon into the relationship.
Why? I wanted to scream. But he said nothing about cows or milk so I kept reading.
According to John Van Epp, author of How Not to Marry a Jerk our brains release oxytocin during sex that spurs bonding and feelings of connection. So early on in a relationship, oh say date three, when you may still be unsure if you like this guy or girl, having sex with him or her may make you think there is more there, there.
I threw the magazine down in my lap. Crap, this part sounded familiar.
See, I have often wondered, when it came to Wharton, if I really liked him or if I really liked having sex with him. I mean, duh, I know I liked having sex with him. My question is was it ever anything more. Had we waited, would we have ever made it to that level or by having sex with him did I jump from my fence of indecision (you know the one that butts up against the land of disinterest) to firmly in the land of like.
Unfortunately there is no way back to the fence. At least there wasn’t for me. Once I was in the land of like it was all emotions and confusion and orgasms and before I knew it I was hurt by a guy that I wasn’t even sure I could like-like before I slept with him.
And as I am never one to repeat the same mistake twice (once I admit it is a mistake,that is. If I think I am right, hell, I will keep going until some doctor in a magazine proves me wrong), I guess I am going to have to reconsider my third date’s the charm policy.