Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My Rules

I used to have a long list of guys I would and would not date (okay, mostly guys I wouldn’t date).

Some were obvious -- for instance I wouldn’t date men that were shorter than me or men that were married.

Others were less obvious, but none the less important to me. For instance, years and years of experience taught me never to date lawyers, guys that wrestled in high school or guys that grew up in Michigan.

And then I started dating online and none of my rules seemed to help -- not even the one about not dating guys shorter than me as the guys online all lie about their height.

So I threw out all my rules. Well, not all of them. I still wouldn’t date married men. But I did lower my height requirement to 5’10” (yes, I know that is still taller than me, but before this by taller, I always meant taller than me in at least 40 percent of my shoes which meant the guy had to be 6'). Also, I stopped asking my potential mates their thoughts on hunting.

But I didn’t fare any better.

Then the other day, as I was making dinner, Mary J. Blige’s voice came through my Bose speaker. I walked into my living room, turned the volume up and danced and sang back into my kitchen. As I belted out the lyrics along with Mary J. I remembered a guy I dated telling me he hated Mary J. Blige. I shuddered to think that I would spend the rest of my life never again doing what was making me so happy at that moment (yes, dancing and singing to Mary J. when no one is around to judge or laugh at me makes me very happy).

That is when it hit me. I didn’t need less rules. I need more.

In addition to reinstating all my old rules (sorry Michigan), I will gradually add to my list, starting with must not hate Mary J. Blige. I understand if he doesn’t love her or appreciate her, but if he says he hates her -- he’s through.


Tina Marina said...


Good rule. Can affirm in its goodness. Do you know how much herpes those guys carried around for four years?

Perhaps we can have a more complete list in the future? (read: begging)

I know nobody blogs to read these comments, but mine have really sucked lately. You've been using all of the creativity.

Ooh! But I have a good addition to the list - never date guys who use emoticons in text messages (this from someone who uses at least one emoticon per text). They tend to be a little on the creepster side.

Anonymous said...

When I met you I just knew that you would take my heart and run...Real Love, woooooo-woooo

Please tell me that was the song you were listening to because it's one of my favorites!

Anonymous said...

Hey! What's wrong with Michigan?! It's not like all the guys here are either Eminem or Jeff Daniels. There's... um...

Huh. Never mind.

Salty said...

...which meant the guy had to be 6”...

Freudian slip?

Tatiana said...

First, Salty, nice catch. I will fix that, though you and I both know I would probably never settle for less than six inches either.

Tina Marina, I had considered not dating guys that use emoticons (as I hate them), but when I asked my brother about this (he keeps me in check when it comes to my rules) he said so long as I stopped picking up guys during recess, I should be fine.

Sarah Beedoo, don't forget about all those men in the Michigan Militia. They are just crazy. Oddly, though, I find women from Michigan absolutely lovely. I wonder why that is.

Anonymous, it was Mary's rendition of "One" by U2.