I used to have a long list of guys I would and would not date (okay, mostly guys I wouldn’t date).
Some were obvious -- for instance I wouldn’t date men that were shorter than me or men that were married.
Others were less obvious, but none the less important to me. For instance, years and years of experience taught me never to date lawyers, guys that wrestled in high school or guys that grew up in Michigan.
And then I started dating online and none of my rules seemed to help -- not even the one about not dating guys shorter than me as the guys online all lie about their height.
So I threw out all my rules. Well, not all of them. I still wouldn’t date married men. But I did lower my height requirement to 5’10” (yes, I know that is still taller than me, but before this by taller, I always meant taller than me in at least 40 percent of my shoes which meant the guy had to be 6'). Also, I stopped asking my potential mates their thoughts on hunting.
But I didn’t fare any better.
Then the other day, as I was making dinner, Mary J. Blige’s voice came through my Bose speaker. I walked into my living room, turned the volume up and danced and sang back into my kitchen. As I belted out the lyrics along with Mary J. I remembered a guy I dated telling me he hated Mary J. Blige. I shuddered to think that I would spend the rest of my life never again doing what was making me so happy at that moment (yes, dancing and singing to Mary J. when no one is around to judge or laugh at me makes me very happy).
That is when it hit me. I didn’t need less rules. I need more.
In addition to reinstating all my old rules (sorry Michigan), I will gradually add to my list, starting with must not hate Mary J. Blige. I understand if he doesn’t love her or appreciate her, but if he says he hates her -- he’s through.