My Magic Number

So Hoda and Donnie were on the Today show last week talking about the American male’s average number of sexual partners. Admittedly, I missed the first half of the segment (which means I don’t know how they came about this number or if there was an age range or a geographical element to it), but when I did start to pay attention, I learned that the magic number was nine.

Hoda couldn’t believe it either. Donnie then polled the audience, asking any man that had more than nine sexual partners to raise their hands.

According to Hoda, only one guy raised his hand.

I turned off the TV and took another shower.

It’s not as if I am embarrassed by my number. I just don’t think it is an actually reflection of who I am. I had a couple of really wild years in my early 20s, but have since settled down significantly and think there should be a way for my number to reflect the same.

The same thing happened to me with credit cards. I got out of my parents’ house, was offered all sorts of free gifts when I applied for a credit card. And before I knew anything about FICA scores or how they would follow me around for the rest of my life, I had a lot of debt, no way to pay it off and nothing (really) to show for it.

But I learned my lesson, set up a budget, paid off my debt and after a few years of great behavior, I no longer cringe when someone mentions a credit check.

So why can’t I do something similar with my other number that affects my relationships and hurts my pride? Well, this being the land of the free, I decided I can.

Because the people that keep records of everything we buy, how we buy it and how long it takes us to pay it off have decided that a negative mark will remain on your report card for seven years, I have decided that after seven years your bad sexual history should be erased as well. So now all those drunk idiots you hooked up with in college, but wouldn’t throw spare change at today no longer count. You no longer have to worry about remembering the names of all those guys whose names you aren't really sure of, so long as the last time you spoke with them was seven years ago or more.

And yes, before you ask, if you have gone seven years without, you are a born again virgin in my book. So feel free to make the second time you lose it just as special as you had hoped the first time would be.