Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You Want Me in That Salon, You Need Me in That Salon

So, my mom has decided to fix me up with a co-worker.

My mother is rarely impulsive, usually only when diamonds or white zinfandel is involved. Considering she was at work I assume the former was at play, as in she was thinking about the three karats she would like to see on my ring finger some day.

And because I love my mom and there aren’t many things I wouldn’t do if she asked, I agreed to let this guy “facebook me.”

The next morning at breakfast my mother began filling me in on the details of my would-be suitor. I will spare you the itemized list of just how wrong this guy is for me and skip ahead to my favorite part. My mom added that he asked about me. Specifically he wanted to know if I was high maintenance. My mom told me that she responded that I was a pain in her a$$, but I wasn’t prissy, if that is what he meant. He clarified, wanting to know if I was the sort to work in the yard.

Umm, what yard?

Here’s the thing, where does normal maintenance end and HM begin? Seriously? Bare minimum I think a girl has got to wash and wear deodorant. I mean no one wants to make-out with someone that smells like an Italian hoagie. But, what if, during my shower I used a scented body wash? And then put on perfume? Have I crossed some invisible line that makes me too much trouble to date?

I can’t recall any guy ever saying he liked it when a girl showed up to dinner with dirty, chewed to the nub nails and uncombed hair, so we’ll add neat hair and nails to the list of okay. But, if in addition to keeping my nails clean I keep them polished and one length (pretty much), is that too much? And because my parents’ DNA combined to give me hair that needs a lot of work to look natural, I have to go to a salon every month or so and need special products that make it look this nice and shiny. Does all this work make me high maintenance? I don’t think I look like I’m high maintenance, but it takes a lot of work and products to make it so.

What about dressing well? Would guys really prefer us looking like we are fresh from the 80s or like we are currently with fashion, and dressing in retro 80s duds? Dr. Phil said guys want fashionable women, but when does fashionable end and HM begin?

And how does enjoying yard work qualify me as low maintenance? Because I know Martha Stewart likes working in her garden and somehow the LM label just doesn’t fit the domestic goddess.

At the end of the day, I don’t think most guys realize what they are asking for when they are asking for a low maintenance girl. No, guys we date don’t typically know our Louboutins from Louis Vuitton, but I have to believe on some subconscious level they appreciate the effort we make. Even if they can only muster the occasional, “You look really nice tonight.”


Anonymous said...

Guys do recognize that girls put work into looking good. We don't know all of what you put, but then, would you really want us to know?
A guy asking if a girl works in the yard isn't asking if she's a slob that doesn't get manicures.
He was basically asking if you ever helped your dad mow the lawn.
A guy like that wants to know if a girl not only recognizes she sweats, but also is okay with the fact that she sweats, and doesn't do everything she can think of to avoid sweating. Ditto with dirty.
I don't think you need to worry about it. Too much.

'stina said...

I think sometimes HM refers not to personal grooming but to personality. You can have the hair & the nails & the clothes, etc and still be LM. And you can be a shlub and still be HM. It depends, I think, on whether you can go with the flow or have to make a huge production (hello, DRAMA) out of everything.

Anonymous said...

I think he was reacting to the fact that there are women out there who never lift a finger and expect their partners to do everything. "Jack, take down all the wallpaper." "Jack, my tires are low."

BonnieB said...

I agree with 'stina. HM is more based on personality than on personal appearance. Whether all men understand the difference is another question :-)