While in Allentown I was at my old stomping ground, the South Mall, looking for an Eagles jersey for my mom when I paused at a calendar kiosk set up outside the sporting goods store. I browsed for a bit. Truth be told, I have a strange fascination with calendars and for a moment, I thought about getting another French phrase-a-day calendar. Sure, I didn’t resolve to learn French this year, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still practice.
Somehow I found myself in the heartthrob section, staring down at a black and white picture of James Dean.
Big sigh. James Dean.
I smiled, remembering how every year for Christmas my father would get me a James Dean Calendar. I turned it over to look at the back, at all the pictures I have seen a dozen or so times before.
I bent down to return the calendar to the rack when I noticed in the rack above my former beloved were calendars featuring none other than Edward and Jacob.
My initial reaction was one of disgust until I remembered the calender I was just swooning over.
Then I remembered that I own all three of James Dean’s movies on VHS and obsessively watched them as a teenager.
I remembered how I saved my paper route money to buy the limited edition James Dean watch that I loved so much (and still have somewhere).
I then shook my head. It was different. I didn't have t-shirts with his face silk screened on it. I didn't have a blog talking about how much my life is like one of his movies. Also, James Dean was dead, so I couldn’t follow him around Comic-Con screaming his name and swooning when he looked my way which is when it hit me. Oh my god, James Dean is dead.
Just like Edward.
A while back I was at a happy hour with former co-workers, including an ol’ favorite of mine that we will rename here Brad. Brad and I get to talking about Twilight. He mentioned that he read an interview with Anne Rice and some other given vampire expert (or an expert on teenage girls) about why the sudden vampire craze. According to Brad, Anne said something about women are drawn to vampires because they represent exactly what women are looking for in a man, an older, more experienced man, in a body that will never get fat and go bald. Young women in particular are drawn to Edward’s character because he's wise and mature, from another time when men were respectful of women. So unlike the immature guys that are in their homerooms and classrooms and hallways.
And just like Edward (and Jacob) James Dean will never grow old or ugly. Just like Edward, James Dean was from another era. He seemed old and wise beyond his years, but more importantly, my years. He wasn’t like the guys in my high school. He was deep and sensitive and brooding and well dressed and I just knew he would understand all my angst. I mean, once we sorted through all of his.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. And I get it. Sort of.