Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Just Ask Christian Bale’s Dad -- Gloria Steinem Is Not A Cheap Date

A good friend of mine, Grace, was recently accused of not being a feminist because she believes that men should pay on the first date. This attack shook Grace to her very core and so she did what any young person in her situation would do. She posted this information on her Facebook page, looking for confirmation that just because she wants a guy to pay for her on the first date, she does not need to relinquish her copy of the Feminine Mystique.

I immediately took offense to this because I too like it when a man pays for me on the first date. But to say I am not a feminist is like suggesting a frog’s ass isn’t water tight.

The feminist movement’s goal is to make women equal to men. And so far they have done a pretty okay job, though the work is certainly not finished yet. Still, more now than ever before women do not need to derive their identity from men. We are no longer social pariahs if we don’t get married immediately after college; if we don’t get married ever. When we do get married, we are no longer expected to take our husband’s name. When Peyton and I finally do tie the knot, formal invitations will not be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Peyton Manning, but instead Mr. Manning and Tatiana (I am sort of like Madonna that way).

This is huge considering the whole notion of a man paying for a woman’s meal was that women simply couldn’t. Now we can, but we shouldn’t have to.

Operating from my previous assumption that men need women and not vice versa, it has become incumbent upon you men to impress us.

What? You gasp. No, seriously, you have to impress us. We have options and choices and at the end of the day, everything I read tells me my quality of life will actually dimimish when I get married to you, while yours will increase. So if you want me to make this leap, you had better bring something to the table (pun intended).

Now, if I was a client whose business you were trying to win over, you would put on a sharp suit, pick a really nice restaurant and at the end of the evening, pull out your AmEx card and say, “this one is on me.” Not because that client can’t pay for his/her meal, he’d better be able to if you expect him to pay your bills later, but because you want that client to like you and pick you and be impressed by you.

So, why shouldn’t the same apply when you take me out for dinner?

Understand, we women do our parts too. We get dressed up, we put on uncomfortable shoes and wear make-up, laugh at your corny jokes and pretend to be interested in college basketball. We play our parts because, like you men, we also have the biological urge to couple-off.

It's just thanks to Gloria’s pioneering ways, we can now wait until we are 60 if that is what it takes to find the one that’s right.

20 comments:

krystina said...

You're fabulous. I just clicked over from Tom and Lorenzo's blog, read most of your archives and I look forward to reading more from you soon!

FashionFanatic said...

Same here, Kyrstyna.
Fabulous blog! I can't wait to read more (going through the archive now).

TLo said...

Yay! Krystina and FF, you're fabulous.

Blogthropologist said...

This is really fantastic! I love how your thought process elegantly jumbles into a cohesive argument, or something like that. But seriously, this is a fun and therapeutic outlet to read, so I can only imagine how nice it feels to write it.

flaming_mo said...

Here from TLo's blog, and I have to say, you are one fabulous, witty broad. Definitely looking forward to reading more of your posts!

Sewjourner said...

I'm glad TLo linked your blog. Think I'll spend the rest of the afternoon reading your archives!

mamasan said...

Amen, sister! Like it or not, love is a game too, and if you want to win the prize, it had better be earnt and worth it!

Doug said...

Hi - another Friend of TLo here.

I feel that whoever does the asking out should do the paying. If I ask someone out, it's my date and my responsibility. If someone asks me out, then I shouldn't have to pay.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree with you more.

I will join the rest in saying how fabulous you are. I'm so happy TLo posted this link.

Nariya said...

Another reader bouncing in from TLo. I love your practical outlook. I'll be reading, so I hope you keep it up!

'stina said...

Another click through from TLo, well said sister!!!! Love. love. love. the client analogy.

Anonymous said...

I may be old enough to be Tatiana's mother (and I would be so proud) but I can relate to what she is saying. When I was last single, I couldn't afford to live on my own. When I was fired from a job, I was very grateful I was still with Mom & Dad.

I am glad to see that you actually claim to be a feminist. Most women your age and younger are afraid of the stigma the word brings.

My thoughts on the matter...whoever invites, pays. That would take much of the stigma out of the man always having to ask. I did it in the 70s; worked just fine. The guys kinda liked it. And one side benefit...they never expected me to pay again.

Great blog. I trust TLo to steer me in the right direction and they didn't disappoint.

SisterZip

purplejeep said...

Dear Miss T,
I often address envelopes to Mrs and Mr Tatiana Manning (instead of Mr and Mrs Peyton Manning) just to see what people say. My parents just roll their eyes. Nice stuff-thanks for the read!

b3ar said...

Yet another TLo click thru.

When I met my wife for the first time, I took her to the best, most expensive restaurant I knew of and was going to pay, but she stopped me and we went Dutch.

Now that's empowerment.

PS: After reading what I've written here, she says that if I had been a smelly dork, she would have made me pay. Her words, not mine.

Ouizee said...

TLo said you would be my new best friend...
So, anyway, I think the amount you pay should be decreased in direct proportion to the height of my heels and the amount of discomfort I am in to look this good.

kheli said...

Agreed, on the need for the man to woo me.
BUT, as an older (40-someting) love goddess, I think the women's movement has created an incredible lazy generation of men. Example: I can open my own door, but if my hands are full because I stopped to buy groceries (with my own checkbook)on my way home from my management position, you could at least do the considerate thing and help me carry the bags in!
Seriously, seems a lot of males missed the message, we want to be treated as equals, AND we want our rightful place on the pedestal.
Love the blog! Welcome back!
PS: found you through TLo!

salty said...

I think this is your best one yet.

Trish Ryan said...

So true! All debate about who asked out whom aside, if a man isn't interested enough to buy a girl a meal, there's not much of a future there.

Anonymous said...

that was the dumbest thing i have ever heard....especially since, if she is right and women also have the urge to "couple", and also have the urge to "nest", while men have the urge to "hunt" for other ways to pass along their "seed", then you better the fuck impress us or you gett'n a one night stand that will cost us exactly the price of two dinners....and their is a name for that...

ellie said...

Amen sister!
.
I'm here from TLo too and they were spot on, you are witty and wonderful!

You've been bookmarked : )