Mea Culpa

Years and years ago, back before I had a cell phone and therefore, didn’t really know better but still had no problem giving advice on things I knew nothing about, I was out for happy hour with co-workers. One of the gentlemen with us was a divorced partner that had recently rejoined the dating scene. He was complaining about text messages. He said that all the women he was meeting, online I believe, but I can’t be 100 percent sure, wanted to text. Which he found odd; he just wanted to call them.

This other nitwit girl and I that were giving him advice on dating insisted that texting was so much better than calling. It was noncommittal and non-threatening and that he should just get used to it.

Fast forward to the present and all I can say is I am very, very sorry.

Because it would seem that this man told two people, and then they told two people, and then they told two people and before you could say shining, lustrous fragrant hair, not only did we have ourselves a Breck commercial, we have an epidemic of guys that don’t want to talk anymore. They just want to text.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for texting. For instance, if you are under the age of 16, then you can text until your heart’s content. You don’t know any better and you won’t need to know any better for at least five years.

For the rest of us, confirming or coordinating plans, or letting your friends know you made it home safely, or if you had an incredible night/morning and want them to call you as soon as they wake up so you can tell them all about it -- all good times to text.

I am also pro-Booty Text. I know some will disagree with me here, but I think it is as effective as the Booty Call, but a thousand times more efficient. You can do away with all the pleasantries, and if I am already asleep, there is a good chance your text won’t wake me. Of course one may argue that this makes it less effective than the Booty Call, but let me tell you, if I’m already asleep when you call, you are not getting any booty.

I will also allow for texts when something funny or interesting happens and you want to quickly share it with a person (or persons) but don’t necessarily want to disturb anyone nor do you expect a response.

However, if you are trying to set up plans, or share your day or check in on a person -- don’t text. At the Agency, we had a “Three E-mail Rule” which basically stated that if it takes more than three e-mails to coordinate a project, we should pick up the phone or meet with the person face-to-face.

I think we should apply the same rule to text messages. If you need a simple answer to a simple question, like “are we still on for tomorrow night?’ Fine, send the text. But don’t ask a person “How was your weekend?” in a text. Call that person for cripes sake. Also don’t text me “Have any plans for this week?” As I am sure that is going to lead to follow-up texts and wouldn’t it be nicer to hear my answers. I have a very sexy phone voice.

On the flip side, if you find yourself texting, as opposed to seeing, someone, note this isn’t a good sign. Especially if you are looking for a relationship. While I can’t tell you what this person is looking for, because I don’t know myself, I can assure you it isn’t a serious girlfriend/boyfriend.

Oh, and for the record, It is never appropriate to break up with someone via text message, but we will cover that more thoroughly in my blog on the proper way to break it off.